The Style Invitational Week 983 Limerixicon IX
Pat Myers for The Washington
Post
If something you do is erroneous,
It’s wrong, or unwise, or baloneyous.
In this poem you’ll find
Two examples in kind:
I am using two words that are phonyous.
We ran a limerick contest a
couple of months ago — it was to sum up a book, movie or TV show — but that
can’t put off our annual August visit to Oedilf.com, the Omnificent English
Dictionary in Limerick Form. Since 2004, when it started with A, Chris J.
Strolin and his anapestic acolytes have supplied more than 75,000 limericks,
each illustrating a particular word or term. Last year at this time, OEDILF was
working on the beginning of the E’s; now we’re all the way up to
. . . This week: Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring
any English word, name or term beginning with the letters “eq-” through “ez-,”
as in the example above by the ever-obliging Style Invitational fan Gene
Weingarten. See wapo.st/limrules for our fairly strict rules on limerick rhyme
and meter, and see Oedilf.com for submitting limericks there after this contest
is over.
Winner gets the Inkin’
Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second
place receives a set of 19 rotting-zombie Mirror Clings, various stickers of
oozing brains, empty eyeballs, spouting blood, etc. The idea is that you stand
in the mirror and can pretend to be a zombie without actually going through the
procedure. Donated by the in-no-way-undead Nan Reiner.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after
Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir
Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 20; results published Sept. 9 (online
Sept. 7). No more than 25 entries per entrant per
week. Include “Week 983” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as
spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry.
See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this
week’s honorable mentions is by Kevin Dopart. Join the lively Style
Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
Report from Week 980, in which we listed a set of nifty neologisms that Losers had created
in Week 976 by combining two words, but hadn’t accompanied with very nifty
definitions. Sure enough, crowdsourcing produced more niftiness. Lots of Losers
thought that “ego-fast” was the perfect moniker for Usain Bolt, not just
because both words apply so well to him, but also since it works phonetically.
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
Nixotica: Pictures of Pat in
short sleeves. (Paul Burnham, Gainesville, Va.)
2. Winner of the Stress
Relief Kitty: Punfail: A wan-liner. Or a sinking quip! Or a snortcoming! How
about a wisecreak? Wait, I know, how about. . . (Tom
Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
3. Egoperate: To take someone
down a peg or two. “He was going around the bar like he was God’s gift to
women, so Jill had to egoperate on him.” (Jon Reiser, Hilton,
N.Y.)
4. We-cation: A trip without
golf clubs (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)
Cut coiners: Honorable mentions
Mentra: Ommm-plate,
ommm-fries, ommm-brew . . . (Barry Koch,
Catlett, Va.; Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Beemen: An interjection said
when you don’t really agree with a statement. “The Redskins have a shot this
year? Beemen to that, brother.” (Bird
Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
Beerate: To give an
alcohol-inspired analysis of another’s character. “Jones, who no longer works
here, soundly beerated the boss at yesterday’s happy hour.” (Rob
Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
Prevolving: P-revolving: How
Oliver and Orville write their names in the snow. (Laurie
Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)
biPod: MP3 player that also comes with a headphone jill.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Bipod: A school of
whales that swim both ways. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Egofast: To spend a weekend
thinking only of others. My egofast is the keystone of my Spiritual
Actualization regimen; I’m really growing as a person and realizing some of my
greatest personal development. Now that I have rebalanced my chakras
. . . (Kevin d’Eustachio, Greenbelt, Md.)
Frankenfriendly: Having a
“nice personality.” (Zadoc-Lee Kekuewa, Springfield, Va., a First Offender)
Frankenfriendly: Pertaining
to cosmetic surgeons who will obligingly give you as many procedures as you
want. “Joan Rivers must have a very frankenfriendly doctor.” (Bruce
Niedt, Cherry Hill, N.J.)
Frankenfriendly: Said of
people who are good enough, and smart enough, and doggone it, their heads are
bolted on right. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.; Edmund Conti, Raleigh)
Diffecation: The strangely
disconcerting act of going number two in someone else’s bathroom. “It was only
our second date, so there was no diffecation until I got home.” (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)
Harpoonerisms: Salty word
inversions, such as “Doby Mick ticked his flail and bapsized the coat.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Hyphoon: An unending stream
of TV commercials: “Oh no, not another political-ad hyphoon right in the middle
of ‘NCIS’!” (Brian Allgar, Paris)
Ignorent: Having lots of
“available space” on your “top floor.” (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.)
Ignor-ENT: The doctor you see
when you have a lot of fluff between your ears. (Jennifer
Cohen, Bethesda, Md.)
Manese: A dialect of the
English language featuring such inexplicable expressions as “that’s what SHE
said.” (Anne Paulin, Gaithersburg, Md., a First Offender)
Losery: A failed winery. (Jon
Reiser)
Mentra: The society for guys
who only know one good story. (Russ Taylor, Vienna, Va.)
Beemen: The secretion of a
honeybee when fertilizing a flower: “I love the corsage, but there’s beemen all
over it.” (Neal Starkman)
biPod: Operates on AC and DC. (Steven Alan Honley,
Washington)
Briswards: Forward at a
speedy clip. Derived from the expression “Come on!
Chop chop!” (Laurie Brink)
Briswards: Where one goes when
the injury is not serious enough to require a stay in the Bobbittwards. (Cheryl Davis, Arlington, Va.)
Butthoven: Famed for his
Asstoral Symphony in B-Flatus (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)
Egojunctions: Places for
making “I”-contact. (Beverley Sharp)
Egojunctions: Penalties for
excessive celebration. “The NFL announced that referees will start giving
15-yard egojunctions for players tweeting about their touchdowns before they
actually cross the goal line.” (David Genser)
Egotor: Peter Parker if he
had been bitten by a radioactive Donald Trump. (Bernard
Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)
Flattivist: 1960s feminist
who bought a bra for the sole purpose of having something to burn. (Paul
Burnham)
Harpoonerisms: Such barbed
word inversions as “This week the Losers engaged in more wasteful turd-play.” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Mentra: A phrase repeated
over and over to bring forth a higher level of consciousness, such as “My eyes
are up here, jerk.” (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)
Nixotica: Lust-suppressing
literature. “To calm her libido, Pam leafed through her nixotica photo
collection of jowly men with sweaty upper lips.” (Phyllis
Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)
Polikin: A guy who isn’t
unemployed (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
Prevolving: The frantic
process of polling and focus-grouping to determine whether a politician’s
beliefs have evolved. (David Genser)
Underuck: Deal-breaking
skivvies, such as fraying granny panties and “Home of the Whopper” boxer
shorts. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
We-cation: Pleasure trip
taken by Queen Elizabeth. (Mike Gips)
Gen-ew: Millennials’ nickname
for baby boomers. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
Losery: The back page of the
Sunday Style section, where the Invitational appears. “Paul and Ringo were
secretly pleased to see the Rolling Stones review exiled to the Losery on their
50th anniversary.” (Paul Burnham)
Losery: Almost funny enough
for ink. “’Folse’s entries are losery, but not quite magnetic.” (John Folse, Bryans Road, Md.)